Progress: A 2entences Memoir

Fifty years ago, the neighbor shot my dog with a pellet gun for peeing on his shrubbery, but times change. That type-A bastard died young, and "PISS ON BUSH" has evolved from landscape no-no to placard-worthy political sentiment.

Nunnayore Business Cards, Invoice No. 50492

(WordCount 50492-50496 gresley reenan indigent brainwashing transputers)

What's Cookin'

Psychedelic flapjacks?

The Ardis Snoop: Page 2, May 16, 1973

Roger Streamwaters, representing the John Enough Development Corp., appeared before the Ardis Town Council Tuesday to seek approval of the corporation's plan to build an industrial complex for the manufacture, distribution, and maintenance of Cliff Campbell Portable Potties at the west end of Ardis.

Moments after his presentatin, E.L.V.E.S. (Earth Lovers Vindicating Eco-Space) stormed the meeting to present additional documented evidence. Critics exposed concrete glutar laboratory methods planned by John Enough as unsanitary, they said, and health officials have condemned the potties as unsafe. In addition, mystery shoppers hired for secret field-testing of the product called the condemned Cliff Campbell toilet "awkward."

Council members were not favorably disposed toward the corporation, up from the city, after last week's meeting, when they learned that local resident Tinkerbell Lessors had lost her home to the developer. Once the additional information was aired, they put the kibosh on the whole deal.

Citizens of Ardis can rest assured that the future of our economy is not in the crapper.


(WordCount 3555-3557 roger stream waters
266-268 john enough development
5137-5141 condemned cliff campbell toilet awkward
3430-3435 critics exposed concrete glutar laboratory methods*
62339-62340: ardis snoop)

*WordCount has added to its database, and the sequences used in this piece are from the old database. Glutar seems to have been a typographical error in the old database. In the new database, guitar appears in its place. Guitar, of course, has no place in my little concoction, where glutar, which apparently isn't a real word at all, has a very useful scientific, chemical-process kind of sound. And since I make up the recipes around here, I'm stirrin' it into the pot. This, people, is the difference between a good cook and a great chef.

Nunnayore Business Cards, Invoice No. 3555

(WordCount 3555-3557 roger stream waters
266-267 john enough
5138-5140 cliff campbell toilet)

The Ardis Snoop: Front Page, May 9, 1973

The Ardis Town Council met Tuesday to consider two recent business license applications submitted for the unoccupied storefront on Pendulum Boulevard. Mayor Simpson presided.

The second applicant, Benstead Seren, unbeknownst meany up from the city, took issue with the very existence of the first applicant, local resident T. Lessors. Argument ensued about "freakin' flyin' fantasy fairies." Following Mr. Seren's alliterative molestation, Tinkerbell Lessors, a decidedly real although admittedly somewhat freaky fairy, flew forward to testify. With the 'fantasy' portion of Seren's accusation thus publicly disproven, his argument didn't hold water and the license was granted to Ms. Lessors.

As most of our local citizens know, Tink has been consulting from her home in a tree stump at the west end of Ardis, but an outfit from the city called John Enough Development Corp. is planning to flatten the land, leaving her homeless and unemployed.

Announcing that the town of Ardis clearly does not need Seren's Dippity Head Shoppe, Mayor Simpson booted Mr. Seren from the meeting, which generated relaxed variations of applause and nods of approval from everyone present. Here at The Ardis Snoop, we are still nodding.


(WordCount 18338-39: pendulum boulevard
8117-8121 simpson permits fairy consulting studios
80795-80798 benstead seren unbeknownst meany
61188-611991 alliterative molestation tinkerbell lessors
3594-3596 generated relaxed variations
265-268 called john enough development
62339-62340: ardis snoop)

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Judi Wellnitz created The Last of the Faeries, the beauty in the photo above. The original photo was hers also, altered by me for this post and used with her permission, for which I'm grateful. You can see The Last of the Faeries in living color at Judi's website, Art Dolls, where you'll find one delight after another!

It was that kind of day . . .

. . . sometime in 2002.

Peak: A One-Sentence Memoir

You'd think having a bowl of Cheerios on a mountaintop would be the epitome of a "peak experience," but the children were tired of traveling and the cats wanted out of their crate.

Monkey Do

You can store bananas in the refrigerator. The skin gets ugly but the fruit itself will ripen more slowly.

You can also freeze them for later use in smoothies or baking. Peel them first, lay them on a cookie sheet whole or cut in halves. Spread them out so the pieces freeze separately. Then put them into plastic bags or boxes loosely. Maybe separate layers with a double layer of wax paper or Saran Wrap so you can take out only as much as you need. For smoothies, they'll soften enough for the blender in a few minutes.

Chic: A One-Sentence Memoir

Lydia and Jill were the kind of girls who could tie silk scarves around their necks and look chic, while I, doing the same, was a picture of unrequited hope.

Six-Word Resolution 2

Play the game at SmithMag and The Huffington Post.

Penta-Mental

Bittersweet: A One-Sentence Memoir

I hadn't told my parents about the surgery, but when I woke up my mother stood over me with a bouquet of plastic bittersweet from the cupboard in her basement.

Six-Word Resolution

Play the game at SmithMag and The Huffington Post.